I have encountered a lot of people who carry angst within them because of the ingratitude of the people they have given to. Carrying a list of "what I have done for you, him, her, them" is equally as heavy a baggage to the list of "the wrong things you (him, her, them) have done to me".
Like unforgiveness, holding on to the list of ingrates equally ties us to the past. We simply can't get past the help we have extended years ago. It even diminishes the gift because the giving had become a lending or a barter trade wherein something is expected.
Making an account of what we have given and forever making others beholden to that account make us a greater ingrate. It becomes an act of ingratitude towards God who is the Source of all good and blessings. We are conduits of grace, stewards of blessings, co-workers in truth. Thus, as followers of Christ, we are supposed to live a life of generosity and gratitude.
Give and let go and let God.
(Prayer of Saint Ignatius of Loyola)
Teach us, good Lord,
to serve you as you deserve,
to give and not to count the cost,
to fight and not to heed the wounds,
to toil and not to seek for rest,
to labour and not to ask for any reward,
save that of knowing that we do your will.
Amen.
